This summer has brought about many adventures and we have accomplished so many new things. We have traveled, created beautiful art pieces, eaten lots of delicious food, learned how to be more attentive together and enjoy each others' company. It's been a growing experience, as life should provide, and only now have I been inspired to write something more in depth and share it out into the world at large. The big boys are back in school and I am home with T. It's a lonely sort of transition but I am no stranger to loneliness nor does in intimidate me. There are so many things to do to keep "busy" in life so that's not a struggle, it's the long mornings with a toddler that force you to keep your emotions in balance....it's the afternoon hump of keeping the kids calm enough before dinner...it's the evenings that drag on until finally you have heard not a peep from anyone in ten minutes. phew...they are finally asleep and then you pause and remember.... you have to do it all over again tomorrow. This is the loneliness I am speaking of. The notion that you are trapped in your routine, your life, your family....and you have to find the small joys and the moments of beauty to inspire you and remind you that you are amazing and have a lot to give to the world.
I'm currently in a battle with my ego....aren't we all....and it is constantly looking for answers. For a way to define who I am. To say "this is me and that is you"....to divide us all into tiny little compartments so that we fit nicely and it can understand why others are the way they are and why they do what they do. This is all good and clarifying but it doesn't provide depth...at all. It just organizes and categorizes and divides. Instead I have been listening for the things that swell my heart. The stories that I catch a moment of while I listen to our guru and it touches something so deep that I stop what I'm doing and turn it up loud....then everything is still. The songs that are put together and open my heart up to concepts I have never thought existed...a way of loving deeper and truer...I am grateful. Or the moments spent in quiet meditative openness where the pieces finally meet together and I feel a greater purpose to life....again gratitude. These are what I want more of...these are what I want to continue to put my focus on. The day to day stuff, the mundane service we do for others, can be inspired by the good nature from within. Of course, life will still be lonely at times and I will continue to stay busy and one of the greatest pleasures in life for me is to meet new people and do new things...i am constantly learning how to do this with a more open heart.
Also, I'm looking forward to the introspective colder months where the daylight slowly wanes and the air is crisp and cool. This reminds me that all of the light and strength we are used to gathering from the warm summer moments need to come from within now...from a sacred place that has been storing and reminding and now it's put to the test. Will it sustain you. Will you be able to sustain yourself and remember your strength. Yes. We all have it within us...community helps too...but that's another post for another day.
In Love xoxo
